Uncertain Middles Part 3 Fever
by MuseandMe2
Summary: Janeway and Chakotay are infected with the blood fever when they intervene between B'Elanna and Vorik's spat. Now they must each decide whether to resolve their respective conditions by going it alone or working together which may mean giving in to each other and their urges.
1. Chapter 1

"_Engineering to the Bridge."_

Janeway glanced over at Chakotay; her curiosity peaked at the unfamiliar voice. She stood up and said, "This is Captain Janeway. Who am I speaking to?"

"_This is Ensign Cole. You're needed in Engineering, right away, Captain. We have a…situation."_

"Clarify. Where is Lieutenant Torres?" Janeway turned to Tuvok who nodded and swiftly ordered a security team to head to Engineering.

"_She's here, Captain. She's part of the… situation. Nothing to endanger the ship but, well, I think you should see for yourself."_

Janeway exhaled and turned back to Chakotay who rose up beside her. "No danger but do you hear that noise in the background, Commander? Sort of like…"

"A school yard fight? This I have to see. Tuvok, cancel the security team. The Captain and I will handle this personally."

Tuvok shifted. "Captain?"

She gave him a stern look and said, "You heard the Commander, Tuvok. Cancel it. Ensign Cole, we're on our way." As the comm closed, she waved her hand towards the turbo lift. "Well, after you."

Chakotay chuckled once they were inside and Janeway shot him an annoyed glance. "You think this is funny, Commander? We may have an all out brawl on this ship and in the engineering department of all places."

He nodded. "I was wondering when tensions would break."

Janeway drew close. "This isn't funny. We need each other if we are going to get back home. We can't have dysfunction on this ship."

He bowed his head and composed himself a bit before replying, "Captain, we've had a full scale mutiny, body organ snatchers, and an alien possession among other things all in a few short months. If you're rattled by a simple fist fight among stressed out cadets, maybe it's time we find a planet for some necessary shore leave. You need to be on the first shuttle down."

"We don't have cadets, Commander. We have professional officers who should know how to conduct themselves on a starship. Of course we already know a former Maquis is involved with B'Elanna. I'd lay good odds that her combatant is also…"

"Carey?" Chakotay said. "They've gone at it before. And since we are lapsing into our old divisions, you would be responsible for him. Having seen B'Elanna in action, I'd lay those odds on Carey losing, badly."

"This isn't funny!" Janeway snapped.

Chakotay sobered. "No, Captain. It's not. But it is understandable given our unique circumstances. With all due respect, you better learn to relax and loosen up a bit or it's going to be a long trip for you."

Janeway's curt response was stopped as the lift doors opened. They both walked out into Engineering and saw B'Elanna trying to wrestle Lieutenant Vorik off of her.

"Get away from me or I swear I'll hurt you!" B'Elanna screamed in anger and propelled the Vulcan across the room.

Ensign Cole ran up to the Captain as Chakotay rushed to get between the two lieutenants. "I'm sorry, Captain. We tried to intervene but they're both too strong for us."

Janeway watched Chakotay as he was almost overpowered by Vorik in his attempt to get back to B'Elanna. "I will have my mate!" he yelled.

Janeway's mouth dropped as she slapped her combadge. "Tuvok to Engineering, now!" She rushed to Chakotay's side as Vorik lunged over him. She managed to get in Vorik's face and ordered him to stand down. The Vulcan tried desperately to free himself of Chakotay's firm hold and, in frustration, grabbed the Captain's head. He brought her close to him and sunk his teeth into her cheek as she yelped in pain.

Chakotay saw the injury and brought his hand up to pull Vorik off of her. Vorik released the Captain and bit into Chakotay's hand causing him to also hiss in pain. Chakotay stomped on the Vulcan's foot and backed him off just as Tuvok arrived. With a pinch to his crewmate's shoulder, Vorik collapsed unconscious onto the floor.

Chakotay straightened up and held his bleeding hand. Breathing heavily, he gasped, "Thanks, Tuvok."

Tuvok eyed the blood on the Commander's hand and the Captain's cheek. "You're welcome, Commander. Might I suggest you and the Captain as well as Mr. Vorik see the Doctor right away?"

Chakotay nodded and looked at the Captain as she held her bloody cheek. "Are you okay?"

Janeway nodded and shook off her stunned expression as she eyed Tuvok. "Do you have an idea of what caused this?"

"Yes, I do, Captain."

Janeway looked over at B'Elanna who was busy brushing herself off. "Lieutenant! What started all of this?"

B'Elanna stared at the three of them. "I was working at my post. Lieutenant Vorik walked up, I assumed to give me a report, and then got very inappropriate with me very fast."

"What was all that business about you being his mate?" Chakotay asked.

B'Elanna threw up her hands. "You tell me! I've never even smiled at the man much less encouraged that!"

Chakotay smirked and looked back at the Captain as she addressed Tuvok again. "Is your idea the same as mine?"

"Yes, Captain. Pon farr."

"Pon what?" Chakotay said.

Janeway shook her head and placed her one hand on her hip. "Tuvok, with all due respect, I don't have time for anyone's pon farr right now."

"Understandable, Captain. But Vulcans cannot control when they enter their mating period."

"Mating?" Chakotay said. "Are you telling me Lieutenant Vorik has gone into heat?"

"A crude but accurate assessment," Tuvok said.

Chakotay exchanged looks with the Captain. "Well, when your friend wakes up, tell him B'Elanna is not interested since he didn't seem to want to take her personal word for it."

Tuvok clasped his hands. "I'm afraid that's not possible, Commander."

Chakotay took off his jacket and wrapped his injured hand in it. "Make it possible. B'Elanna doesn't want to mate with him. He'll have to take a cold shower just like the rest of us."

"I'm afraid there is no 'cold shower' for pon farr, Commander. It must be handled in the appropriate way."

"Well," the Captain said. "I'm afraid were a long way away from being able to do that. If Lieutenant Vorik has no willing mate on this ship, then there must be another way from him to release his pent up energy."

"I can try meditation with him, Captain. I found that to be personally successful myself. And, perhaps the Doctor may be able to help ease his physical symptoms with medication."

Janeway nodded. "Yes. Let's get him to sick bay. We'll pick this up there. B'Elanna, do you need to…"

B'Elanna shook her head. "No Captain. I'm fine. I'd like to return to my post."

Janeway nodded. "As you were then. All of you get back to work."

A series of nods and 'Aye Captains' chorused as the four of them beamed to sick bay.

As they appeared in the familiar medical setting, the Doctor greeted them. "Ah, I see I finally have some patients."

"Tuvok will fill you in on Mr. Vorik's unique condition, Doctor," Janeway said.

The Doctor flipped his medical tricorder and scanned Vorik's still form. "Looks like a regular case of pon farr to me."

"You're familiar with it?" Chakotay asked.

The Doctor gave him an offended look. "No, Commander. I was only programmed in human diseases and ailments but luckily I catch on quick to the millions of other species who share this universe with you."

Janeway put up her hand to stop Chakotay's retort. "Doctor, can you treat him? We can't have any more of these violent incidents and the usual remedy is not available."

"I'll try. I can definitely ease some of his physical symptoms but they won't go away completely. I'll place the two of you on the same protocol."

Janeway and Chakotay looked at one another. "I'm sorry, Doctor," she said. "The two of us?"

Tuvok stepped forward. "I didn't want to say anything in front of the crew, Captain, but you and the Commander have made fluid contact with Lieutenant Vorik."

"You mean…" she said.

"But we're not Vulcans," Chakotay said.

"No, but you're body chemistry is similar enough to us that you will experience some of the effects of pon farr. And because you are human and not Vulcan, your symptoms may be more difficult to resist than those of us who have practiced our self restraint for millions of years."

Janeway walked up and raised her chin. "Are you telling me that I am going to want to start mating with any member of my crew that looks good to me?" she asked quietly.

"More likely someone that you already have an attraction to, Captain," Tuvok answered. "But yes."

Janeway stepped back. "Fantastic."

Chakotay smiled with a devilish glint in his eyes. "So you're telling me I have a legitimate reason to…"

Janeway spun around and ordered, "No, Commander, you most certainly do not! You will control yourself like I and Mr. Vorik will and, if you cannot do that, you will be confined to quarters."

"But that didn't stop this kind of behavior for him in the past," the Doctor said.

Janeway glared. "Well, unless Mr. Chakotay is expecting Seska to make a return appearance to his doorstep, I think the cold showers he spoke about earlier are about to become his daily routine."

Chakotay's smile grew wider. "Yours too, Captain."

Janeway's expression darkened. "How long, Doctor? How long until our systems return to normal?"

"Well, Mr. Tuvok is the expert here but, if you do not plan on ending the blood fever with the normal mating ritual, then you will probably experience the urge for quite some time."

Tuvok nodded. "And I must warn you Captain. As you saw with Mr. Vorik, those urges can become very powerful. Powerful to the point that all rational thought can become lost."

"This just gets better," she muttered. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Tuvok, the Doctor has the authority to remove me or Commander Chakotay from duty if he feels it is medically necessary. That means that, if it becomes too much for either of us, you will take command of Voyager."

Tuvok nodded. "Understood, Captain."

Janeway gave Chakotay a sideways glance and said, "Well, I guess we'll be experiencing our adolescence together all over again."

The Doctor filled a hypo spray and pressed it to Vorik's neck. "Human puberty on steroids is more accurate." He dialed in another dose and hit the Commander and then the Captain with another one. "There. Let's see how that does to start and then we can up the dosage if necessary from there. I'll keep Mr. Vorik here for observation before I release him since his pon farr has obviously progressed further."

Janeway rubbed at her neck where the shot had been given and then held still patiently while the Doctor healed her cheek. "Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor also healed Chakotay's hand and then said, "Don't take this lightly. The uncontrollable animal instinct to mate has only been tempered in humans with the natural evolution of your species and helped by your learned societal mores. But, it has not been bred out. It still exists and you need to guard against it which actually reminds me about a related topic. Do I need to review or update contraceptive protocols with either of you?"

Janeway's mouth dropped. "I'm fine, thank you, Doctor. If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my bridge."

Chakotay chuckled as he watched his Captain walk as dignified as she could through the door. He wondered how much fun he could professionally have watching her finally relax and loosen up around him. He was willing to bet that the real Captain was about to make an appearance whether Captain Janeway was willing to release her or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Janeway walked back onto the bridge and ran her finger inside her neck collar as she walked to her chair and sat down.

Paris noticed and asked, "Are you hot?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm fine, Mr. Paris. Aren't you supposed to be flying this ship?"

Tom's eyes widened as he returned to the conn. "My apologies, Captain. I was just going to say I can adjust the environmental controls if you are or have B'Elanna check on the system. I'm not detecting any fluctuations though."

She fidgeted with her own monitor and sighed. "I'm sorry, Tom. It's been a long afternoon."

He turned back and said, "I did hear that there was some trouble in Engineering. I'm sure you fixed that?"

She glanced at him. "If I know you and I do, you already know the answer to that question."

"Yes, ma'am." Tom spun back around as Chakotay walked off the lift.

Janeway watched him walk over to her. He leaned down and whispered, "May I see you in the ready room, Captain?"

Uncomfortably, she rose and led the way to her office. Chakotay waited for the doors to close before he said, "Relax. The only ones on board this ship who know that you and I have been infected or exposed to this pon farr are Tuvok and the Doctor. It won't go any further than that. I made sure of it."

Janeway nodded. "I know. I trust Tuvok and, in a few days, you and I should be just fine."

"Yeah, about that." Chakotay tugged at his ear. "Try more like a few weeks."

"A few weeks!" Janeway brushed her hand across her forehead and paced the room. "I can't believe this is happening. This won't work."

"Well, you could just do what the Doctor and Tuvok said would resolve it immediately and…mate with someone. Your problem would be solved."

She stopped and stared at him. "Well, since my fiancée is halfway across the galaxy that is a difficult proposition for me right now, Commander." She crossed her arms and noted his smile. "If you are at all suggesting that…"

"Captain, I would never proposition you like that. Besides, I already know what your answer would be. And frankly, I wouldn't want our first time or any first time that I have with any woman to be against her will. I actually think…well…it's much more spiritual than that to me, believe it or not."

Janeway smirked. "Really, Commander. And just how spiritual was it with Seska?"

He felt his blood rise. "That's the second time you've brought her up. I'd almost think you were jealous."

She struggled to reign in her own rising emotions and said, "The fever must be getting to you, Commander."

"Maybe." Chakotay looked away. "But that was different. That was self-preservation."

"So is this if I understood Tuvok and the Doctor correctly. I have no intentions of going insane because I can't…" She shook her head and took a few steps. Chakotay opened his mouth to speak until Janeway whirled on him with a pointed finger. "Do not even think of finishing that for me."

He chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of it, Captain. Just take some comfort in the fact that you're not alone. I happen to be the only other person who knows what you're going through."

"That makes me feel so much better."

"It should." Chakotay walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "I mean it. We're in this together and you and I will get each other through this just like we have everything else that's happened to us."

She raised her hand to touch his arm and took a deep breath. Her intent was to calm herself but, instead, she inhaled his musky scent. She drew closer and felt her skin tingle with expectation as his head dropped to her. His lips were soft as they pressed against hers and his mouth moved tenderly, beckoning her to allow him to go further.

He pulled her tight against him and both of their arms wound around as they initially surrendered to their instincts. They felt each other completely for the first time but, just as her senses dulled, Janeway mustered every ounce of rationality she had left and forcefully pushed him back.

Chakotay caught himself and stared with a lust that every bit of her desperately wanted to respond to. She immediately broke off their gaze and did a quick walk to the replicator. She ordered a cold glass of water and snuck a look back at him. She watched as he rubbed his face and neck, trying to stem his own physical desires.

He caught her eye and said, "Captain…"

She shook her head. "Apologies on both sides accepted." She gulped her water and relished the coolness as it slid down her throat. "I…I think we need to stay…stay away from each other until the Doctor can readjust our dosage or we find something else that works for us."

Chakotay nodded. "Agreed. Reluctantly." She looked at him sharply and he said. "I'm sorry. It's just…look you know I was attracted to you before and now…with this…"

"That's why you and I need to…"

"…keep our distance. Understood." He scratched at his chin and said, "I'll take the overnight shift until we can keep our professionalism intact."

She acknowledged him and said, "Dismissed Commander."

As he left the privacy of her ready room, she exhaled with relief but also with a profound sense of disappointment as her First Officer made his way off of the bridge and further away from her.

The Doctor recalculated the dosage for both the Captain and the Commander and they did their best to keep their contact to a minimum. Janeway found, however, that it wasn't just Chakotay who initiated her bad thoughts. Many of the crewmen she worked with on a daily basis bothered her in a way that was unbecoming for a superior officer, especially the Captain.

The Doctor still assured her that the pon farr would dissipate at some point but could give her no firm timeline without a practical former example to draw from of which they had none. No one had ever been in their unique position and it seemed that the crew of the starship Voyager was going to rewrite the history books again although this time they would be medical.

Vorik managed to do quite well with Tuvok's meditation regime. Tuvok had also instructed both the Captain and the Commander in his technique but, from the glimpses she got of Chakotay's ragged appearances, it didn't appear to be much help or comfort to him either.

Chakotay did slightly better with his spiritual quests. However, as time wore on, each time he tried to connect with his spirit guide, the image of Kathryn Janeway would appear instead making his blood boil over with his raw passion for her. It sent him quickly out of his meditative state and into a cold shower offering little relief. Its effect was diminishing and his primal urge to possess the Captain completely was growing.

Chakotay visited sickbay and saw the Doctor again. "I can't give you anymore, Commander," the Doctor said. "Your body physically won't handle it. It would kill you."

Chakotay wiped the sweat from his brow and grabbed the Doctor's uniform. "You don't understand. I feel like I could become very dangerous if I don't…if I don't…"

"Mate?" the Doctor said.

"Yes," Chakotay growled.

The Doctor carefully undid Chakotay's grasp and said, "I may be breaking protocol by telling you this but, since you and she are sharing the same experience and sharing command of this ship, the Captain has expressed the exact same concerns as you, although not as aggressively."

"Then you have to do something. We can't function like this. It's not wearing off." Chakotay grabbed him again and said, "Why is it not wearing off?"

The Doctor looked down at his uniform again and waited as Chakotay released him. "Thank you," the Doctor said. "All I can tell you is that it was a theory we were working on. A theory based on what Tuvok has offered of his own pon farr experiences and the medical literature. The situation should be able to be controlled with complete mental discipline if a mate is not available. Granted the two of you do not have the exact strength of the Vulcan mind but you also should not have the full effect of the pon farr, either."

Chakotay licked his lips. "Well, we do and my mental discipline is gone."

"Then, there is one thing I suggest you might try. A novel idea that is actually quite ingenious if I do say so myself."

Chakotay stared at him. "What? I'll do anything."

"The holodeck."

"The what?"

The Doctor smiled. "The holodeck. I have it on very good authority that Mr. Paris has quite the program to educate and entertain a young virile man such as yourself. My medical advice: Use it."

Chakotay gave him an incredulous look. "You want me to sleep with a holodeck character?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes. I've checked the regulations and there is nothing against participating in intimate acts while in a holodeck scenario. At least on your own time, that is."

"You're kidding."

The Doctor shook his head. "No. I am actually quite serious. Try it. You may like it and it may help purge the blood fever you have going on." He patted Chakotay on the back as he walked away. "No time like the present!"

Chakotay looked around. After locating one of the programs under Tom Paris' name, he accessed it and immediately several beautiful ladies with ample assets had walked towards him with big smiles and a few winks. He allowed them to approach and tend to him for a few minutes but, instead of the intended physical release and satisfaction he craved, he actually started to feel physically ill and ordered the computer to shut down the program. The girls vanished and Chakotay was left alone again in the grid.

He sat for a few minutes and then called, "Computer, create a female character resembling Captain Janeway."

"_Please review standard conduct policies when depicting images of real persons…"_

"Computer, belay that order." The computer beeped and was silent until he called again. "Computer, location of Captain Janeway."

"_Captain Janeway is in her quarters."_

"What? Well then who's in charge of the ship? Computer, what time is it?"

"_Lieutenant Tuvok is currently in command of the bridge. The time is 0823 hours."_

"That's two hours past…I thought she was in her ready room." He jumped up and ran out the door.

As he reached the Captain's quarters, he felt his fever begin to rise again. He took several deep breaths to compose himself and then chimed her door.

"Come in."

The doors slid open and his eyes met her shocked ones as she realized who was standing outside. His gaze drifted as he took in her undressed state as she stood in front of him clad only in her nightgown.

Janeway quickly realized that, in her constant heady state, she hadn't even bothered to dress properly before greeting her visitor. She had given over her duty shift to Tuvok earlier and had never even given a thought as to what she was wearing when she opened her door.

As Chakotay's eyes swept over her pale skin, she blushed and her skin colored the same pink as her gown. She smoothed her long hair that was undone from its usual professional upsweep and currently spilled down her back in a mess of tangled curls.

"Chakotay," she whispered.

He walked in and she swallowed hard as she recognized his hunger for her. "You…you can't be here."

Chakotay forced himself to look her in the eye. "Do you want me to go, Kathryn?"

"No," she said without thinking.

A smile spread across his face as he came forward. She put out her hands to stop him and said, "No, I...I mean… you have to."

"I know I have to but I can't." He saw a hint of fear in her eyes and quickly added, "I…I just need to talk to you."

She shook her head. "I can't talk to you right now. I can't even think straight."

His eyes softened with compassion as he pointed to his chest. "Me too." He walked over to her bed and sat down. "You have no idea how good it feels just to hear someone else say that they understand."

They stared at each other for a long minute before she licked her lips and said, "Chakotay, I don't really know how much longer I can stand this." She picked up her robe from a chair and drew it on, securing it tightly around her waist.

"Don't do that," he said sharply.

"Chakotay, I have to dress. It's not appropriate especially…"

He shook his head. "No. I mean that was good but the lips. Don't do that."

Janeway pondered his words. "My lips?"

"You licked them. Please don't do that. It's a subliminal mating call."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She walked around her desk and sat down. "I didn't realize you had brushed up on it."

"I didn't. Anthropology is a hobby of mine."

"Really? I didn't know that."

He smiled. "Well now you do. I almost majored in it at the academy."

"I'm sure you would be excellent in anything you tried to accomplish. Especially that. You're a natural people person and a curiosity seeker. You're perfect ..."

He shook his head again. "Flattery. Ego boosting. Another call to…" He jumped up and said, "Well, I just wanted to see how you were faring. I was worried when the computer told me you weren't at your duty post."

She smiled and said softly, "You were worried about me?"

Chakotay walked over and leaned across the desk. "I'm your First Officer, Kathryn. It's my duty to make sure you're okay."

She felt his hot breath travel across her face as he spoke and she closed her eyes. Suddenly, she felt his lips touch hers again and the fever sped through her system. It did the same to him as he physically lifted her out of the chair and pulled her across the desk to him. He wrapped her in a large embrace and deepened their kiss.

She felt his tongue bathe hers before he pulled back and traveled down her neck. He intermittently tasted and kissed her with a fierce passion and she tilted her head back to allow him to roam at will over her body before she gasped, "Computer, trans…transport me…oh… please…transport me to sick bay, now!"

Chakotay collapsed as she shimmered away from him and he beat at the desk with his fist. "No! No! No!"

Janeway materialized in sickbay and fell to the floor, still gasping.

"Captain?"

She looked up to find Tom Paris standing over her with a big smile. He eyed her lack of clothes and the heavy breathing. Cocking his head, he folded his arms and said, "Do you want to state the nature of your… _medical_ emergency?"


	3. Chapter 3

Captain Janeway sat in her quarters huddled in a blanket on her couch. She had officially handed over control of the ship to Tuvok and confined herself to quarters. The Doctor had told her the same thing he had repeated over the past several days. Short of outright sedation or the usual cure, there was nothing to be done but ride it out. She didn't think she could take much more and the Doctor's suggestion of holodeck entertainment was crass and unappealing to her. She knew instinctively that she would need the real thing to purge her of the fever.

Her thoughts traveled back to Chakotay. She closed her eyes and let her hand run down her neck just as his lips and hands had done earlier. She allowed the lust to wash over her until it became too much. Her eyes opened and she grabbed the pillow next to her and hurled it across the room with a scream.

Her door chimed and the desperate wish of it being her First Officer flashed through her mind. She had left strict instructions that she was not to be disturbed and wondered who would disobey her direct order besides him. Fervently, she prayed that he had done exactly that.

She rose up slowly and walked over. "Computer, who is outside my quarters?"

"_Lieutenant Tuvok is outside the Captain's Quarters."_

Relief was quickly overtaken by her primal urge as she opened the door and saw her Vulcan friend standing there. "Tuvok."

Tuvok scanned her sweaty disheveled appearance before saying, "Captain. May I come in?"

"At your own risk, yes."

"Do not worry. I have no doubt I will be able to rebuff your advances."

"I'll try not to make them but I can't do this for much longer, Tuvok. Nothing is working."

"My meditations…"

"Do nothing for me!" She huffed and paced the room. "I just need to…I need to…" She stopped and looked up. "Tuvok…"

Tuvok arched an eyebrow. "Captain? I regret that I am a married man and you are a valued friend."

"Chakotay's not." She covered her mouth with her hand as the words flew out of her mouth.

"A valued friend or married?"

"Ma…married. I value him, Tuvok. I value him very much."

"You do. Then you wish to mate with the Commander?"

She took a few deep breaths as her hand slowly drifted down across her chest. "Yes, but I can't do that."

"You can and, in my opinion, Captain, I think you should."

Janeway's eyes widened as she stared wildly at him. "What did you just say?"

"Captain, it's obvious the medication and other remedies we've tried have been unsuccessful. The fever is not purging. In fact, I believe it is growing stronger. You must end it. Failure to do so will eventually kill you."

Janeway was silent. Finally, she said, "You're just now telling me that bit of information, Tuvok?"

"My apologies, Captain. I had hoped it would not be necessary. After all, you are not Vulcan. I believed the effect would be strong but brief. However, it appears that, after checking on both you and the Commander, you are both experiencing a full blown pon farr. Both you and the Commander must act on it soon or it will kill you both."

Janeway bit her lip as she walked up to him. "Are you telling me that I have to have sex with my First Officer or we'll both die?"

"It's only our friendship and your inevitable return to command of this ship that prevents me from outright ordering you to do so. You must mate, Captain. Who you choose to do it with is a personal choice but it must happen."

She brushed a strand of her hair back from her damp face. "I can't do that, Tuvok. I just can't do that."

"You must."

"Thank you. Dismissed."

Tuvok nodded and walked to the door. As it opened, he turned and said, "I'm sorry, Captain. I know this is a personal violation but it is a necessary action to save both of your lives."

She nodded and crossed her arms as she paced. "I know. Thank you. I know if there was any other way you would offer it."

"Indeed I would."

The door slid shut and Janeway made several laps around her room until the chime sounded again. "Oh please have had another thought, Tuvok. Please!"

She opened the entrance to her quarters again and saw Chakotay standing before her shivering from his raw naked need. Steadying his voice, he said, "Tuvok came to see me earlier. He's been here too?"

She nodded silently. Her breath was rapid and she wet her lips as she waited.

"I won't hurt you," he said.

A tear slid down her cheek. "Yes, you will."

"Please." His dark eyes pleaded as they stared at one another.

"Come in, Chakotay." She waved him in and the door slid shut.

He ran his hands through his hair in a final effort to keep them to himself until he made the uncontrollable step in her direction. "Please," he repeated.

"I can't," she whispered and she shook her head.

"Don't make me make the choice for you!" he shouted.

Her mouth dropped as she took a step back. "Just what is that supposed to mean, Commander?"

"I'm sorry. It's just…you'll die. I'll…Kathryn, I know you won't touch anyone but me. Let me do it for you and you won't have any responsibility for it if that makes it easier."

She struggled to keep her racing thoughts and boiling blood under control but was failing quickly. "I…I…"

He took a step and clenched his fists. "I know you're attracted to me. I can feel it. You and I connect on an intimate level professionally and personally. I know you feel that! Even if you won't admit it! Give in to it, Kathryn!"

She slowly shook her head again. "I can't. I…I have a...I have…Mark."

"He's seventy years away from you! Chances are good you won't ever see him again! And, if you do, he'll have moved on because he already thinks you're dead! You know that!"

Anger flashed through her. "Don't tell me what I know, Commander! "

His face twisted in anger as he screamed back. "Well someone has to! You're not thinking clearly! You hide yourself away from everyone on this ship, even yourself! I won't let you do that anymore! Not now! I can help you!"

"Get out!" she screamed. Tears flooded her eyes. "Get out! You don't want to help me! You want to help yourself! Leave my quarters now, Commander!"

He drew closer and said, "Why? So you can be all alone and suffer? I won't permit it!"

She raised her chin and put her face in his. "You don't now nor will you ever permit me to do anything!"

Their breath mixed and they squared off until passions exploded. Arms intertwined and lips seared each other as they battled. Chakotay took her to the floor and they rolled over again and again as each one struggled to dominate the other. Their hands were discovering private places and new senses as they wrestled. Kathryn alternated between accepting what was happening to her and fighting desperately against it as Chakotay tried to overpower her.

He ripped off her robe leaving only her thin nightgown which he yanked up revealing more of her. She grabbed his shirt as she tried in vain to pull him off of her. Thinking she was trying to undress him, he helped and bared his chest. She soon found herself overwhelmed by the scent of his bare skin and her own emotions and she quickly unleashed a torrent of light kisses and licks against his tanned muscles.

She felt him undress further as he lay on top of her and this brought her back to some sense of reality as she beat her hands against his chest, fighting to breathe under his heavy weight. He tried to control her and grasped her wrists and pulled them over her head as his knee separated her legs. He slammed her hands into the ground on either side of her head then hesitated and panted into her face.

Janeway matched his furious gaze as they both drew deep breaths. The uncontrollable urge that had been overtaking her settled and only her normal sexual response remained as she stilled underneath his hot body.

Chakotay experienced the same relief as he quieted and ran his hands leisurely down her arms, gently rubbing and soothing the marks on her pale skin.

His eyes met hers again and he leaned down and kissed her deeply before he reluctantly moved off of her. Redressing, he sat back and said, "Captain, are you okay?"

A flush of disappointment ran through her as she watched him do that while her heartbeat and body temperature returned to normal. "I…I think so. You?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I think so." He noticed her gown was still raised and carefully leaned forward to pull it down to cover her. He moved further away and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"What?"

She shook her head as she pulled herself up and said, "I mean me too."

"Did I hurt you?"

"Yes, but it felt…um, I'm okay."

Chakotay gave her a small smile and leaned forward and said, "Well, if you want to, we can always resume…"

She placed her hands against his bare chest. Her fingers lingered a few moments before she pushed him back. "I think I'm good, Commander. Thank you."

He nodded and raised his forearm to wipe his brow. "I would have preferred…"

"I know what you would have preferred." She stood up with his help and folded her arms in front to cover herself more fully.

He noticed her discomfort and looked over at the robe which he had torn to pieces. He grabbed his shirt and said, "I really am sorry, Captain. I'll…I'll leave you to clean up and…um, recover. I know I need to." He walked over to the door and said a final apology before heading back to his own room and another cold shower. This time, he knew it would take.

Janeway watched her door shut. "Oh Chakotay, I'm not sorry this happened." She walked over to her nightstand and picked up Mark's picture. "Oh Mark, I'm so sorry." Her finger traced his face before she placed it down and dropped on her bed. "I think I need to…" She took a deep breath to calm her emotions. "We do need to move on, don't we? I won't be able to get back quickly enough to you before…" A tear slid down her cheek and she dashed it away. "Chakotay's right. And now that I know, because I know…" She lay back to bury her face in her pillow and wept.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few days of rest, Janeway and Chakotay were back on the bridge in command of Voyager. They were not together, picking up exactly where they had left off with separate shifts. The crew, already puzzled by their disappearance for several days, whispered even louder in the mess hall and amongst themselves. The illness which had only affected three crew members was being met with even more suspicion and doubt.

Tuvok mentioned the whispers in the privacy of the Captain's ready room. She waved him off having heard it all herself but knew the first person she needed to address it with was Chakotay. She asked Tuvok to have him report to her ready room immediately.

A few minutes later, her ready room door chimed and Janeway called him in. Chakotay walked over and politely sat in the chair she indicated. He watched her rubbed her forehead as she sat down too. She did not look at him and he knew she was trying to find the right words to begin. He decided to help by offering another apology but she stopped him.

She shook her head as she gazed out the window into space. "This situation wasn't our fault. But it's brought up a lot of issues and we need to talk about them."

"Captain," he said.

She put up a hand and said, "Let me say this first." She took a deep breath and turned to face him. Her sad eyes matched his as he waited for her to speak. "You were right about what you said in my quarters. Mark and the rest of my family probably have given up on me by now."

He nodded. "Mine too."

They were silent again for a moment until she leaned back and said, "That hurts to admit out loud, Chakotay. It makes it real."

Chakotay watched her struggle with her emotions and realized that, in the past several days, she had been more vulnerable with him than she ever had allowed herself to be before. He knew the fever had permitted her recent loss of control but this was a real and determinate show of vulnerability on her part and he respected her immensely for it. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"No, I'm sorry. This whole situation and everything we've been through since is my fault."

Chakotay leaned forward. "Captain, we are not going back to this self-blame. I won't let you. You had good reasons for making the decision you did. We are the first crew ever put in a situation like this and we've done damn well so far. You should be proud. "

She sighed and said, "I know and I am. I don't want to debate that anymore. What's done is done. It won't change anything. I just thought when we found that wormhole that we might be able to find another quick way back to get everyone home but…I just don't know anymore."

He smiled and said, "None of us know. We just have to accept our journey as it is and move forward, together."

She nodded. "I realize that now and I thank you for helping me face that. You're a good First Officer, Chakotay. You'd make a fine Captain."

"I already have made a fine Captain but are you planning on going somewhere?"

She smiled and ran her hand along the top of her desk. "No. That's not what I meant."

"Good. Because I'd miss you."

She looked up and smiled. "I…I would miss you too."

"Well don't get all heartbroken about me now."

She chuckled. "No, I really would miss you. You're a good friend and…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "And, in another place, and maybe in another situation, I…I might…"

He grinned and said, "You're not ready to do this, Captain. Besides, I already know what you're trying to say to me."

She looked intently before saying, "Do you? Do you really understand?"

"Yes, I do. I'm a great First Officer, remember?" He reached for her hand but she hesitated and he pulled back. "Captain, I respect that just because you are a galaxy away from your fiancée and the fact that, in all likelihood, he has or will move on eventually, your feelings just don't go away for him. You need time."

She nodded. "Yes, but the other part of what I am saying, Chakotay, is that you and I can never get involved. You know that. We could never run the ship that way."

He sat back in his chair and shook his head. "No, I don't know that. I do know that if I'm going to spend the next sixty or seventy years of my life on this ship that I'm not going to spend it alone."

She straightened in her chair. "Well, then you can take me off your short list of potential bedmates, Commander, because I'm not interested in heading up the rotation."

His dark eyes flashed in anger. "Who said anything about a rotation? I'm talking about a long term committed relationship not a bunch of one night stands." He shifted and added, "So, I guess it's just my professional status you admire but as a human being, you don't think much?"

"No, Commander, but your past history does precede you."

"Are we talking about Seska again?"

Janeway slapped her desk. "No, we are not and never mention that woman to me again!"

Chakotay moved closer and studied her. "I see what you're trying to do, Captain, and it won't work. If you're not interested in me romantically, fine. I can accept that. But you are and you are pushing me away because you're afraid. You have a penchant for punishment."

"Punishment?"

"Yes. You are punishing yourself with a lonely life sentence all because of where we are and how we got here. You haven't heard a word I've said. It's happened. It's done. Maybe we'll find that quick way home and maybe we won't. But I am not going to let you stop living your life because of your self-pity. You enjoyed yourself the other day with me because you let go and gave in to your desires. You gave in to your natural impulses and it felt good. More than good because I'm great, remember?"

Janeway's eyes darted with his as she listened to his words. "I said good, Commander, and you're dismissed."

"From this room, maybe. But not as your friend. Even if that's all I'll ever be to you, I won't let you make this journey home or walk your personal path alone. It's unacceptable and I won't have it. Not as long as I am aboard this ship."

She rose up and leaned forward. "Commander, maybe you missed the part the other day about what you think you will and won't permit me to do. That is never for you to decide for me."

Chakotay rose too and stepped up. With a nod of his head, he said, "And maybe you missed the part where I forced that issue and you gave into me and enjoyed it." He paused and said, "Good Day, Captain."


End file.
